There is nothing wrong with wanting more.
I read somewhere that abundance can’t find you if you’re hiding behind scarcity. This really struck a chord with me. For most of my life, I was definitely hiding behind scarcity; I just didn’t realize that that’s what it was.
I used to struggle with feeling like I wasn’t good enough or that I didn’t deserve good things. Even to qualify for the bare minimum- of respect, of love, of wealth, of anything really- I had to be perfect. And I knew that I wasn’t perfect, so I didn’t think I deserved anything. This led to me not trying to have more, as well as subconsciously sabotaging myself when opportunities for more came up.
I remember when I was younger, being told that I should be grateful for what I had.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m a big fan of practicing gratitude and being aware of all of the greatness that you have in your life! But the way it was presented to me was more like: Be grateful for what you have. There are so many people who would kill for what you have. So many have less than you. Don’t be so greedy. This is exactly what I had when I was your age. Why should you get more? What makes you so special?
Some of these things were said to me, and some I overheard being said to other people. It made me think that it was wrong to want more. That it made you a bad person if you asked for more. The mentality that wanting more than you had meant that you were selfish was ingrained in me. This, coupled with the imposter syndrome telling me that I didn’t deserve more, held me back for most of my life. I didn’t go for the high paying jobs or ask for raises or try to have all of the nice things that I thought I would love. I stuck to clearance racks and discount stores. I took the salaries that were offered to me without trying to haggle. I accepted being treated like crap from a lot of people. Basically, I ‘stayed in my lane,’ because it never occurred to me that I was allowed to switch lanes.
Scarcity didn’t make me happy. I tried tricking myself into thinking I was being humble; that I was doing the best with what I was given in this life. I believed that I wasn’t happy because I wasn’t good enough to be happy. That the people who were happy- who had the nice things and the dream jobs and the fulfilling relationships- were better than me somehow. That if I could just be better, then maybe I would be allowed to have more. I didn’t realize that I was allowed to have it all along- I just had to let myself want it.
There is nothing wrong with wanting more.
This very simple statement is something that my brain fought for YEARS! It was such a hard concept for me to understand. The idea that I was actively preventing myself from having a good life wasn’t one that I could accept. For instance, I thought I hated money because I never had it. In reality, I never had it because I never tried to have it. I hated it so that I wouldn’t want it, because I didn’t think I deserved it. I was jealous of the strong friendships and relationships I would see others have because I didn’t think I would ever have them. Meanwhile, I was actively avoiding them because I didn’t think they were attainable to me. Do you see a pattern here?
A few years ago, while going through some intensive therapy to treat PTSD, my therapist helped me to accept that I deserved better, and that I was allowed to not only want it, but demand it. I was going through the motions of trying to figure out what I could have done differently to have avoided the immense amount of pain that I was in, blaming myself and thinking that I must have deserved it but not knowing why. He tried for a while to help me to realize that what happened to me wasn’t my fault, but I was stubborn and determined to take the blame. Until finally, he started to ask me why.
Why do you think you deserved this to happen to you? Why don’t you think you deserved to be treated better? Why don’t you think you’re good enough?
Again, simple questions. But I didn’t have any answers. It was just what I believed. I couldn’t explain reasoning- that’s just how it was. After all, it wasn’t just what I believed; I’d been told as much my entire life by other people. But he forced me to look at those questions and really try to examine the way that they made me feel. And then he had me rephrase them in the opposite way and try to answer again. Basically, why do you deserve better? I had to list out the good things about me. I had to bring all of my positives to the surface and face those, instead of the self-deprecating things I’d been telling myself all along.
It took a while- like seriously, a really LONG time- but eventually, I learned to start talking myself up and celebrating all of the things I had going for me. Even if it was just in my mind, I started recognizing my skills and my accomplishments and all that I had to offer the world rather than downplaying and putting myself down. Once I made that change, doors started opening up for me. Deciding that I was good enough and I deserved more allowed me to start asking for more.
Rather than living in (and hiding behind) scarcity, I started manifesting.
Basically, I started believing that I deserved more and I put those beliefs out into the universe. I started manifesting what I wanted and decided that it was already mine. And then I took the steps to get it:
I started believing in myself. I finally asked for a raise at the office, because I knew that I was doing a killer job and that they were lucky to have me. And I got it!
I started my own little boutique with items that I was making at home because I finally started to believe that they were good enough that other people might like them. I started making sales immediately and was able to use that to help me eventually leave my 9-5 altogether!
I started a blog where I share my story and my thoughts because I finally know that what I have to say matters. And people subscribed!
I formed strong personal boundaries because I realized that not everyone was deserving of my time and space, and that I got to decide who had access to me. A lot of people stepped up for me! And when it comes to those that didn’t, I felt so much lighter and better about myself once I cut ties with them.
Believing in myself was half the battle.
Once I stopped believing that wanting more was wrong, I turned my life around. I stopped self-sabotaging and started investing in myself instead. I stopped accepting less, and almost every aspect of my life improved as a result.
And so I guess what I’m trying to say is that abundance in every area of your life is possible. You are worthy. You are enough. You just have to let yourself believe it already.
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